Bemvindo. Aqui tem os acordos. (Welcome. Here y'have the agreements)

by Vicki Robin

Guess where we are? A Conversation Café in Florianopolis in Brazil.

The setting is a small beer, coffee and juice bar near the beach. An upright piano half fills one wall, as the owner is a former piano bar singer turned voice teacher. Pictures of her with other bands or famous people dot the walls and an unstudied array of indigenous crafts, plants, candles and interesting artwork enrich the setting, making it feel both exotic and comfortable. There are a few tables, an assortment of chairs that don’t match and a small settee.

Tonight, eight people have gathered, at the invitation of my friend Jorge Mello, to participate in a Conversation Café with the founder - moi - who happens to be lolling on the beach for a few days. Our hostess at first keeps us supplied with drinks and then, intrigued, sits down to join in.

Mind you, I don’t speak Portuguese and only one of the others speaks English. How do we have a conversation??? I do speak Spanish so it’s agreed that I will speak that language slowly and they will speak their language slowly and thus we will all understand. Kinda. The first round was pretty measured and well pronounced, but by round two passions were running and I caught only half of what was said. As I had many times in Brazil, I soft focused my brain, allowed myself to make my own sense of things and, without embarrassment, said my truth without having to KNOW whether it matched anything else that was said.

The questions were my questions during my month in Brazil:

What makes Brazil Brazil?

What makes you feel like a Brazilian?

What do you want to see in Brazil in 10 years?

When I develop a topic, I like to pose 3 questions: one for head, one for heart and one for action.

They cited their cultural diversity. Brazilians have are love unto longing for the spontaneity and joy of the people of the North, where most descendants of slaves reside. Even those of European and Japanese descent feel a bit more colorful because of the African cultural influence.

I asked, “We in North America have equal cultural diversity, the same history of decimating the indigenous people and dominating the land and the Africans enslaved to work it. Why is our diversity a source of tension and polarization and yours a happier and richer mixture?”

One woman replied, “Keep in mind, you were settled by the British who came to build a political and economic empire and we were settled by the Portuguese who were as artless as bungling pickpockets. They weren’t into running things.” Ahh, the difference between Northern and Southern Europeans, playing out in the “ New World.”

Another observed, “The British value order and hierarchy. Brazilians tend to like to party. You had a devastating and historical Civil War, we couldn’t sustain the focus and animosity to pull one off.”

I think of the old peace slogan, “Imagine if they threw a war and nobody came.” It sounds like Brazil.

The conversation ranged over many other ideas about past, future, change, belonging and more; even though these were expressive, talkative people, they all agreed that the CC way of conversing had taken them from small talk to BIG talk in gratifying and new ways. When it came to the last round, though, we tried to sustain the CC pattern, but…well, it was Carnival week and... the piano bar singer began to play the popular Carnival music and we all jumped up, hugged, laughed and danced. Maybe that actually was the last round. In Brazil the last round – of a civil war or a conversation café – is singing, dancing and hugging. Maybe that’s always their answer to “What are you taking away from this?”

When the Advisory Team was developing the Conversation Café Purpose and Principles, we debated how firmly to insist that the form must be followed precisely, everywhere. We recognized that in some culture, what works in America just doesn’t fly. While I could have insisted there at the beach café in Brazil on a talking object last round, the object seemed to be that explosion into dance and song – a true reflection of the Café outcome.