Starting Conversation Cafés: A Large-Scale Approach

by Jean Robertson

It began with one Conversation Café I tried out in a bookstore last June. Seven people came, several of whom were quite moved by the quality of the experience. I used the materials on the website as a guide. Now we have 9 Conversation Cafés running here in Calgary, and we field inquiries from people looking to incorporate Cafés in their church life, their annual conventions, and their workplaces. All this is the result of a project by three women to introduce Calgary to Conversation Cafés.

The three of us found ourselves connected with a network of about 20 people who were everything from peace educators to personal coaches, activist students to local artists. Each of these people in turn had personal networks of similar people. Putting together a similar network of people likely to be responsive and well-connected electronically should be possible in most large municipalities. That’s where I would start in organizing multiple Conversation Cafés.

The three plot hatchers decided that we would initiate enough Cafés to catch public attention for the concept, and so set out to run 15 cafés all on the same day: once in October, and once again in November. We did two rounds, planning to learn from the first time, and thinking that the experiences of the October Cafés would create word-of-mouth momentum between the first and the second dates. We thought we wouldn't really get a sense of the possibilities from just one experience. We also hoped that there would be enough momentum from two that at least some of the Cafés might establish themselves on an ongoing basis.

We were clear that we wouldn’t be responsible for organizing more than the first two rounds. However, we were willing to support any Cafés wanting to become ongoing after November with a network email list gathered from the first two, and with any advice, experience, and hand-holding people might want us to share. After November, we let facilitators know that it was up to them now whether to continue, to maintain connection with the location owner, and to organize topics, dates etcetera as they and their group wanted. Where a facilitator did not want to continue but the group did, we hooked them up with a new facilitator.

We planned for two facilitators initially for each Café so we would have backup in case anyone was sick, or the groups were large enough to need to split, and so that novice facilitators would have company. We sent out through all our related networks an explanation of the idea and a request for people willing to facilitate. We had exactly 30 replies, and invited these people to an evening where we ran a mini-Café with four small groups, and began together organizing the where and how of the evenings. Many of the volunteer facilitators were people in the personal growth/business facilitation areas. They appreciated a form of facilitation that allowed them to be included in the conversation rather than staying outside it in the facilitator role.

We brainstormed possible meeting places spread throughout the city: cafés, bookstores and the public library system. We split up contacting locations among the three of us, visiting to talk to owners and managers. Most locations were very interested indeed, and took little persuasion. Having a fabulous website like www.conversationcafe.org as a resource to send people to for background was, I think, an important key in the ease of this project.

The public library system was the only holdout: they wanted to charge us $25 in each location for room rental, and the approval process was formidable. Now, however, individual libraries are approaching us and wanting help in putting Conversation Cafés in their programs. The first one starts next month, with a theme of “building community.”

We put together a materials package for each Café location, including the miniguide for hosts. We chose topics for the Cafés, related to the peaceleading theme of the Chamber of Commerce group we were working within. We did radio and city newspaper press releases, though neither of these got us in the news before the first October Café night. What did work was that our network proved to be so interested in the idea that our email announcements travelled far and wide, and eventually reached people in the press and radio, who contacted us for stories. So after the first Café, Conversation Cafés formed half of a major article on isolation and building community in the main Calgary daily. In fact I managed to pull together a few people for an impromptu Café at the request of the reporter, and it was pictures from that Café that were used in the paper. The most delightful detail of that Café was that the reporter said: of course, she was just going to listen and write; yet when the talking object got to her, she was so drawn in that she had to speak! The person preceding her turned out to be another journalist who spoke about isolation in his position as observer reporter.

The newspaper piece included only www.conversationcafe.org as contact information, and we got a number of local phone and email inquiries through our listing on the schedule page of the Conversation Café website.

We also got a morning radio show on the Calgary show for Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. It was a 3-minute piece, airing after the second of the initial Café days, interviewing people from a Café. They also did a follow up piece where again we pulled together a Café for the radio station at their suggestion and on a topic of their choice: “What does faith mean to you?” A 4- minute show resulted from this Café.

Each of the one-night, multi-Café events brought out over a hundred people to the Cafés. We had no way of knowing how many would show up anywhere. Only one Café had no one show up, and the highest number in one location was 16. Generally it was 5-10 people.

Several of the locations and facilitators decided to continue on in December, most on a monthly basis, though the one I am involved with decided to meet weekly, so we have now met about 20 times, with a steady core group and nearly always some new faces. One facilitator has since initiated a French language Café as well.

Important to supporting ongoing Café life here is a central network node keeping the email list fresh and growing , and sending out email newsletters once a month, with current listings, and feedback from what is happening with the project and the experience. We still find that most people who come are responding to the email network. Most of the Café s are monthly, and a significant number of people try out different Cafés each month. Maintaining this central node need not be time-consuming; a newsletter, an updated Café schedule list posted to the C.C. website, and answering a few telephone and email inquiries is the minimum needed.

For our final rounds at the first two Cafés we asked people to write down what they were taking away from the Café conversation, and so we had wonderful written feedback to share in a newsletter with the whole network. Here’s a selection:

Hope: the feeling that a topic will come up if people meet in a safe environment.

I find it interesting to watch & listen to this group--as it is such a rarity to experience strangers speaking honestly. The topic is valid. Learning to listen without planning in my head what I'd like to say next is something I'd like to focus on.

Conversation that matters to me: Expressing my own truth, feelings, thoughts, even if that is not always easy, without judging myself or others. And to have that be what is, is most healing. Listening, doing that in a discerning way. I felt good to hear and consider the idea that what is most personal is also most universal.

We take for granted all the values that we are supposed to have. (a 14-year-old)

I’ve learned that we can express ourselves and share fairly easily if we choose to take the time and make it a valuable investment of our time…

I am taking away surprise! … At my own discovery & connection in this Café & a deeper understanding of Conversation Cafés. Very rich!

This was an enriching and growing experience, a loving challenge. Building potential and action!

Getting below the superficial conversation. Thinking about ways to get into what is meaningful.

Wow. The most amazing realization and connection that I made was that it is now crucially important to me to evoke the storytelling of my dying grandfather, so that I can really appreciate his presence here on earth.

Conversations that matter are about connecting and lifting one another up. We do that by listening to whatever topic comes up for a person and getting the real meaning of what they are saying by listening and being present. We cannot NOT connect. What we say and do matters. I will watch what I say and how I say it.