Women Seeing Beyond Today: A “Bigger Game” for Conversation Cafés

by Pat Obuchowski

Back in 2002, Pat Obuchowski began hosting Conversation Cafés in San Mateo county, just south of San Francisco. She soon realized that the CC experience of speaking, listening, and feeling truly heard had a profound effect on many people’s lives. After nine months, she began working with “The Bigger Game,” a leadership model that led her to incorporate CCs in a highly successful women’s day event this year. Here’s Pat’s story of how it all happened.

The Bigger Game asks participants to define their “hunger.” What is it that you yearn for? What is your greatest hope or dream for your community? For the world? What MUST change? What MUST be? These questions are similar to those often asked in Conversation Cafés.

I found that my hunger is to have every human being know that they make a difference in the world. To know that they have a voice and that they are being heard and listened to. Not only to know that they can be inspired and empowered by others, but also to know that they inspire and empower others by what they say. This to me is the essence of Conversation Cafés. This is my hunger.

In playing my “Bigger Game” and getting into action around it, I wanted to create a place where women from all socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds could come together to create inspiration and empowerment for each other. This turned into San Mateo county’s first ever Women Seeing Beyond Today conference held March 5, 2005.

The conference included speakers, workshops and Conversation Cafés held three times during the day for 30 minutes each time. I recruited hostesses and trained them before the conference. Our questions were:

After Breakfast: Why are you here today and what do you want to get from today? What is your intention or vision for today? How do you want today to benefit your life?

At Lunch: Share something you have learned this morning. Are you getting out of today what you want to? If yes, how are you doing this? If no, what can you do this afternoon to change that?

At Closing:
Round 1: Who was one person that inspired you today and how did they inspire you? And…who did you inspire today?

Round 2: What is one thing you will commit to doing after this conference and who at this table will you commit to and follow-up with?

Here’s what the first time hostesses had to say:

At the second Café session, one of the ladies asked everyone to join hands at the end of the café. Another of the ladies said "Today, we have come together and learned much from each other.” I was taken with that comment. All the other Cafés were good, but that one was awesome!

Women naturally talk to each other, but this process insured every woman who wanted to could make a connection with her tablemates. Sometimes women go to conferences together so they have a friend - this process allowed you to make new "conference friends" fast! Personally, I found having a role to play a very special experience.

From this brief conversation, someone stepped out of their comfort zone and discovered new possibilities! How cool is that?!

From the participants:

Conversation Cafés were the best part of the conference. Got to connect at a deep level.

Conversation Cafés were the place where we could let the wisdom solidify.

The many Conversation Cafés were useful and gave us just enough time to get to know others in small gatherings. Very different from other conferences I’ve been at where everyone sticks with those they came with.

We all know through personal experience that the Conversation Café technique is very powerful. My experience at Women Seeing Beyond Today has just reiterated that fact to me.

My challenge to you is to think more broadly: What places in your life can you use Conversation Café techniques for the benefit of all?

Pat Obuchowski, MBA, CPCC, ACC, is the CEO (Chief Empowerment Officer) of inVisionaria: Business and Life Coaching for Professional and Personal Results, (650) 245-0321, and a Premier Coach for eWomen Network.