Q:
How do you handle participants that like to talk?
“One member of our group does not
seem to be aware that he talks much more than anyone else.
“
Susan: Here is where the process and agreements
can be your 'best friends' as a host. Before the conversation
even begins, when you read through the agreements, you can
take some extra time to emphasize why they are so important
and get the group's agreements for how to approach the problem.
For example, "Listen with respect"
-- remind the group most of the conversation is actually
spent listening. Emphasize that the goal is discovery and
curiosity: that ah-ha moment, when something you never thought
of before arises... which comes from listening more than
speaking. And of course, the final and key agreement for
brevity -- to be mindful of the airtime you use -- to be
brief and share with others.
If there are a number of regulars in
the group, including this member, you could at this point
discuss some strategies the group would be comfortable using
in case members forget these agreements. For example, the
talking object --once placed in the middle-- can be called
back into use, or even just tapped by a member to visually
signal the current speaker that they want a turn so, please,
wind down.
Another strategy is to use a hand signal,
with palm raised up and out towards the speaker to as a
request to wind down.
Finally, if more direct intervention
is needed, it is very appropriate for you to take charge
as the host to say, "---(their name), you have lots
of passion and great ideas to share, and I need to remind
you of our agreements to share the air time... Let's make
sure everyone has a chance to share equally. So please hold
off till we have heard from others. Thanks."
Take a deep breath, suspend any judgment
(of self or other!)... and take a stand on behalf of the
quality of the conversation! It's nothing personal... its
just your role as host. Enjoy the conversation!
Susan Partnow is a co-founder of
Conversation Cafés, and a Partner Coordinator of Let's Talk
America
